The auspicious damp squib

Listening to the radio in my last minute drive to the parasol shop the old sage Michael Parkinson was discussing the ban on smoking with the buxom wench Eve Pollard. On cue into the next jazz track he described it as an auspicious day. Not certain that he had used the right adjective and from my experience of the hysteria surrounding the millenium bug in 1999 and the new licensing laws in 2005 my position was closer to that of a 'damp squib'. On the day only two individuals absent mindedly lit up and were rapidly escorted from the premises otherwise a remarkably fatalistic non-event did not take place. A big cheese from the brewery came round in the afternoon to interview staff and customers and fill in questionnaires. The raw data will be fed into the Cray at Bury St Edmunds for future anal ysis.

Having to look up auspicious I also looked up squib which is a small firework that makes a hissing noise when lit. Any squibs lit on smoking ban day would have been damp. I rest my case.